also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
