So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
