Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
