Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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