I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
