You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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