brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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