last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
