I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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