I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
