there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
