I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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