Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's like heaven, but drunker
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
