He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
