omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
