I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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