"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
