Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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