Cold hands, warm shart.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
