You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
