My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
