could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
