the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
