Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Mom said you looked used
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
