haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
