he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
