Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
