Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
