can u get pink eye on your cock?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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