Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
