If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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