How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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