The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
