can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
