saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
