I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They took my balls.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
