i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
