I hate your face
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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