tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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