I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
