Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
