The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
