I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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