she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Boobs speak an international language.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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