it wasn't lemon gatorade
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
