I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
