why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
