honey bunches of taint.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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