they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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