Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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